Josh Groban. Stalker devirginator.
With the release of his latest album, Illuminations today, I thought it would be nice to commemorate this momentous event with a little recap of 14 October 2007- the day I discovered my stalking “superprowess”…amongst other things.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “JOSH GROBAN FANS” AND “GROBANITES”
According to the fan-made website, www.thatjoshgrobanguy.com a fan of Josh Groban views him as a wonderful singer. In contrast, a Grobanite views him as a fantastic person who also has a beautiful voice. Grobanites are a group of Josh Groban’s most radical, devoted fans. They suffer from Grobanitis, an illness pertaining to and/or restricted to Grobanites. This illness is characterized by sudden twitching and obsessive listening to music by Josh Groban.
So, am I just a fan or a Grobanite? Let me see…
- Pulled some strings to find out his whereabouts and accommodation in Perth. Unsuccessful. A colleague’s bf’s PR lady knew but refused to reveal. Some privacy issues. Yeah, whatever. I came so close.
- Got all dressed up and tried to “book” penthouse suites in 2 boutique hotels. Image is important and I had to look as if I had the $$ except I might have flashed my undies to the whole of West Perth as the gusty winds blew at my skirt. Ugh, don’t want to think about it anymore.
- Made my Canadian (Josh is American but I doubt many Aussies can differentiate the accent) colleague pretend to be his manager/ entourage by calling up one hotel to “confirm” reservations. Obviously that didn’t work. Damn, it always looks so easy on TV!
- Waited at the airport for his arrival. Right airline, right day, WRONG flight, WRONG time!!
- Arrived at the concert venue 3 hours earlier to check out the premises. Spoke to Joey (one of Josh’s guys) who took a picture of my hand-sewn sequined t-shirt design to show to Josh. YES!
- Spoke to Andre Manga (his bassist…I didn’t realise that until much later). He was very nice and gave a little bit more info on which exit to wait.
- Bugged some poor young security guy by the gates. Only found out that he will be coming in some sort of a van.
- Saw Josh coming through and what did I do?? Jumped and screamed! He smiled and waved from the car. More jumping and screaming. (note to self: must remember to jump less- not good for the boobs). If only I had pretended to be dead or had thrown myself at the car…that would have stopped traffic, literally. Can’t believe I’d just been joshed!
- Got Josh’s attention with my poster: JOSH, I’M PREGNANT. He read it out loud on stage. I repeat, READ OUT LOUD!! Girls, wish you were pregnant with JG Junior instead, eh?
- He touched (and squeezed) my hand as he walked down the aisle. Okay, he touched a whole lot of hands but who cares! Thank you God for my aisle seat!!!! Not gonna wash this hand…ever….urmm, okay until I pick up some dog poo from the shelter.
- Managed to bypass the usher to dance in our very own “moshpit”. Was stopped at first but argued and ran for it when she turned. Muahahaha. Adelene-1, Usher-0
- Fought with a girl over his drum stick. We both grabbed it as it landed on the ground. After 5 mins of us holding on to it I finally relented because she’s getting all sweaty near me. All this stress (and stench) is not good for the baby.
- Got his autograph after the concert!! He was absolutely divine and so sweet. Told him I wanted to have his babies (kinda forgotten that I was pregnant with one already, oops!) What tha?! I didn’t know what came over me. Darren, his bodyguard warned us: No touching, no posed pictures, no pinning things onto Josh and only 1 autograph per person. Darn.
- Heard that he was flying out to Manila that very night. Rushed to airport again, blasting his music in the car and chanted, “Don’t give up….because you are looovvveeedddddd” remixed with, “Oh darrrllling can’t you see it’s now or neverrrrr….it’s now or neverrrr!!” Right airport…WRONG time again!
- Bored my workmates and friends to death about my concert experience. Read 1-14 again. Multiply that by every person in the office…about 20
Yup, definitely a Grobanite alright.
Josh, if you’re reading this please come back to Perth soon. Junior needs his daddy, hahahaha. Love you!