Contrary to popular believe, I am not a people-person. In my world you’re either a people-person or an animal-person and I am very much the latter. Ask any animal lover and they’ll tell you the same thing. My friends can confirm that my interpersonal skills are pretty much nil; small talk bores me and to tell you the truth, I don’t give a damn about your weekend!
However, I do give damn about animal welfare. Here I am braving the chilly Perth winds with my canine companion raising funds for our charity while you walk past and tell me that you have no change or you left your wallet in the office. If you want to lie, do it with conviction (and don’t let me catch you grabbing coffee later)
Shame on you.
My mum always tells me that “The Lord loves a cheerful giver” but she didn’t say what the Lord thinks about tightwad folks. As a mere mortal, it just frustrates me to bits knowing that some don’t have an ounce of compassion, or heart for that matter. But our Lord is a merciful God and he loves everyone…including stingy folks.
Doing a street appeal is like pitching a sale. You set a target and plan your strategy. Mine was simple: Get a big dog and be prepared to use the gift of the gab. Oh and what a beautiful gift that is when you hear money cashing in. Anyway, despite my shameless talents in “charitable harassments” there is always that one person who is unaffected by my charms.
The “Cashed Up” Corporate Male
Show me the money!! Don’t let the suit fool you. He may look like he’s made of money but surprisingly, many don’t carry wallets. You’ll be lucky if he acknowledges your existence as some have selected vision and hearing. Oh maybe he just doesn’t understand English. Hmm…
Reason: Sorry, I left my wallet at work.
Response: Oh really? I thought men usually keep change in their pockets?
The Regular Working Male
Sans the suit, same excuses but with a twist.
Reason: I don’t have my wallet with me now. It’s at the office. Let me go and get it *huge grin* Promise.
Response: That’s what they all say but they never come back *huge scowl*
The F.O.B* Foreign Male
Excuse me, which part of “adoption” don’t you understand?
Reason: Is this dog free? If I want can I have it now?
Response: Huh? (is he for real?) No, it’s NOT free (stop following me, I ain’t giving him to you)
The Cigarette-Smoking Female
No change? Not surprised, but for the sake of charity, I will put my life at risk inhaling your second-hand smoke.
Reason: *shakes head*
Response: Ok Chiko, you can stop holding your breath now…
The Goth Female
Whoa, even my dog doesn’t have a studded collar. Maybe I should put a lead on this one and show her the path to righteousness.
Reason: *cold stare*
Response: *awkward silence*
Seriously folks, don’t you know it’s better to give than to receive?
* According to Wikipedia: The phrase Fresh off the boat (FOB), Off the boat (OTB), or just simply Boat; is a terminology used to describe immigrants that have arrived from a foreign nation and have not yet assimilated into the host nation’s culture, language and behavior.