I get hit on. A LOT. By sales reps. I attract them like Australian flies to humans on a warm, sunny day. Maybe it’s that little sparkle in my eye as I walk past pretending not to look but heavily relying on peripheral vision. Or maybe I am just a wee bit obvious. The entire encounter is like going on a blind date that starts off ok; gets weirder as the clock ticks and someone always gets hurt in the end (and it’s not me, muahahaha)
I was in the zone. The I’m-on-a-shopping-mission-so-leave-me-alone-zone…
REP: What’s your name?
ME: (oh crap, here we go again) Adelene
REP: Adelene, today I’m gonna show you a Seacret. Where are you from? (small talk continues; begins to apply mask on my hand)
ME: So where are YOU from?
REP: I’m from Israel!
ME: Really? My mom went there and loved it.
REP: I’m Jewish. Wanna be my girlfriend? (jabs me in the arm) I’m circumcised.
WHAT THE F*** JUST HAPPENED?????!!!!
ME: Riiigggghhhtt (default answer when I’m speechless. is it warm in here? it feels warm in here…) You’re not my type.
REP: What is your type? (points to colleague) Is he your type?
ME: Nope (so tempted to say I like girls* just to provoke a reaction but he might get turned on) I don’t know my type (duh! of course I know my type. your hands are too hairy and it’s itching me…just get it over and done with. oh, maybe I should blog this. yes I should) Hey, can I take your picture? I want to put this in my blog…bla bla bla
And the reluctant rep relents.
REP: Why do you keep taking my picture? (damn iPhone won’t focus)
ME: So I can blog and promote your products of course (not!!!)
REP: (removes the hand mask) There. Compare your hand with the other. Doesn’t it look lighter and younger?
ME: It’s lighter ‘coz you’ve been rubbing on it and cutting off the blood circulation that’s why!
REP: Ok, ok….don’t look at the colour but compare the texture. It’s softer isn’t it?
ME: Yeah, kinda.
REP: So if you buy the whole set today for $275….(not listening…man I feel like a peanut butter Oreo right now— I just bought the entire stock)…what say you?
REP: Adelene, I’ll be honest with you. If you buy from me today I get a free iPhone (shows me a quota list)
ME: But the iPhone IS free.
REP: No, the iPhone 4 is about $900 outright.
ME: Why buy it outright when you can sign up for a plan with the telco and get it for free instead of paying for the phone AND paying for your calls? A $49 cap plan gives you over $300 worth of calls etc.. (errr…who is the sales rep now? LMAO) …so there’s no point in me buying because you can get it for free already.
REP: (changes topic) How much do you love your mother?
ME: A lot. More than skincare.
REP: If you love your mother you would buy her this.
ME: Hey that’s not fair. You can’t say “IF you love your mother…” It’s just not right.
Anyway, if I love mother I won’t buy this because she has been to the Dead Sea and it did nothing for her skin, hahaha. Adelene- 1; Rep- 0
Better luck next time. Shalom.