Always look on the ‘bite’ side of life

Have you ever had that moment of dread as you weigh your luggage knowing that it will definitely exceed the limit? Early this year I went overboard by 14kg; technically only 9kg after the 5kg extra checked-in luggage promo but still I was determined not to pay for that. Isn’t that what airport taxes are for?

All I needed was a miracle.

Well, that “miracle” came in the form of a bite wound on my hand while I was separating my dogs’ fight just few days shy of my flight.

Yes, God works in mysterious ways. And now I have a strategy.

How to get away with excess baggage:

  1. Always check in alone. If you’re traveling with friends then you might be able to combine the weight but if they have reached their limits then you’re better off trying your luck solo.
  2. Prove it! Tell your friends and families to stay far away as possible. No eye-contact. Pretend that you’re strangers.
  3. Grab some sympathy votes by flaunting your injuries. The doctor said I no longer needed the bandage but I insisted. Seeing is believing!
  4. Bling bling means “ker-ching, ker-ching!!” so dress modestly.
  5. This is when it gets tricky…try to go to a counter with the opposite sex attendant (it really depends on your luck though)
    a) Male passenger/ female attendant: Charm your way through. Chicks dig that. And if you get an older lady it’s even better. Unlike men, girls are not really visual creatures but first impressions do count.
    b) Female passenger/ male attendant: Discover your inner damsel. Men always have heroic notions of themselves. Haven’t you noticed that as kids each and every one of them wanted to be a superhero?
    c) Male passenger/ male attendant: This is a hard one. The wrong move might offend one’s sensitivities. Most guys demonstrate brotherly love after absolute intoxication however in this situation you will be denied entry. Good luck, bro.
    d) Female passenger/ female attendant: Think animal kingdom. The lady who’s issuing your boarding pass is the alpha female. Not you. Respect, respect, respect!
  6. The power of persuasion. Never ever grovel or throw a tantrum, unless you want to be an overnight YouTube sensation. Remember this lady?
  7. If all the above fails, the next thing to do is convince that you’re insanely hilarious yet serious. I presented a theory on how I shouldn’t have to pay for excess baggage as a result of my petite/ lighter frame by comparing it to a phantom fat figure
    [me (a); phantom fatso (a+f); baggage (b); total (x)]
    I get: a+b= xThey get: a+f+b= x(+f)    Where is my friggin’ f??!!

#7 worked like a charm. Got my “f” for free and went the “f” out of there. And the best part was, everything was true so no broken commandments.

Exaggerated my injuries? Maybe…just a little though ^_^ . Want to see my battle wounds?

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3 thoughts on “Always look on the ‘bite’ side of life

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